"Whatcha Gonna Do"
Sprung Monkey Get A Taste

Lately I've been wonderin' who I am
Because it's coming clear that there's
A world of things
That I don't quite understand
I've always tried to look straight in the eyes
I try to see the man I try to see the plan
I try to know what's on his mind

But I never thought that I'd have to stare at you
No I never thought anyone so close
Could be so far from view
Well I guess it's time for me to realize
That trust is just a word
Not something I ever knew
But whatcha gonna do

Cause my dreams leave me cold and empty now
You know I tried so hard to laugh
But I just don't know how

Cause wrapped around the thought of everything
Are the hands of a theif
Who took that trust from me
But whatcha gonna do

Whatcha gonna do
About the things that happen suddenly
About all the things that I could never see
All the times that I've sat and bought the lie
All the times I've laughed and wondered why
I realized I was owned by my defenses
Never took the time never saw my chances
Always thought the people coming round
Was just another person trying to bring me down
But yeah whatcha gonna do

The new year has come and I have been amazingly busy and later tired as we entered the new year.

Christmas came and me and my family spent it at my grandmothers house. That was really nice. Me and Saffi travelled with my mom and Tron and Trons mom. Kitty was terrified of travelling in a car and I felt so sad for him as he was trembling and stressing, even hyperventilating for the 2 first hours. After we stopped and he saw that he was not gonna be left anywhere he realaxed heaps but was still a bit stressed.
We arrived after a long trip and we were welcomed by grams with delicious food and good company.

For the next few days we helped my grandmom to get everything ready for christmas. Ingrid and Christian came after us the next day at night and they helped as well. We had to do all the baking, decorating, cleaning and fixing of stuff so that it would be ready in time for christmas.
Then Eva (Trons mom) got sick with the diarrhea and she spent the next days throwing up. Ouch. Worse off. Tron got it on christmas eve. I got it on the 25th and the celebration of christmas was kind of put a show stopper to due to all the sick people.

I was thrilled over all the nice christmas gifts I got. I got books, christmas decoration, furniture and my grams had knit me winter socks. I got towels and candy and money. A good christmas :D
On the 25 we spent the day at my grams sisters house. It was nice to see them again too :D
My moms cousins and aunt and families. We dont see them exactly often. This was the day i got sick. I spent all night in the bathroom and at some points I wasnt even concious. Fever was killing me and the travel down to Oslo on the 26th was really really hard. I should have stayed in Trondheim instead. But I had promised. My italian friends Flavio and Luca arrived with plane at Gardermoen at 5pm and I had to pick them up. No mercy. Kitty was afraid of the train too but at least this time he learned that he sometimes get to travel with me and not only is left with someone when I travel. I think he prefers to be with me. He is too bound to me this way.

When the guys arrived I had been waiting for 30 minutes already and all day I had only had 2 dl of juice to drink and 2 dl of water. I felt so sick but only fever left. We spent the night in my house as Flavio still was sick from Flu as well. It was nice to see them again.
On the 27th-28th we travelled to Denmark to get cheap booze. Lucas amazed impression of this being one of the strangest things he had ever done - travel to another country on a cruise ship just to party and drink booze - still makes me laugh. Paula was the nice host of the trip. She had gotten us free tickets and this is the only time ever I have traveled with single cabins, eating in the crews cantine and getting reduced prices on tax free. We had an awesome time. Unfortunately I was still sick and went to bed early. In the morning when we arrived Denmark we went on shore and did some sightseeing while rain poored down on us. We also stopped to get the booze for the NYE party. On our way back home we mainly slept but met Paula for dinner at 5. We had some time for tax free. We arrived 19:30 to my house and there waited Giampiero and Simona. We relaxed a bit before going to Fla and Lucas new host with their stuff and then headed to night life in the city to meet up with even more Italian CSers at TGiF in Karl Johan.

On the 29th I stayed home all afternoon while Giampy and Simo toured the city, preparing stuff for the New Year party. I met them and a bunch of other CSers for ice skating in Spikersuppa at 6pm and then at 7:30 we went to a mongolian restaurant for dinner. After we went met more and more people and soon our group was 20 people big. We went to out for drinks at a bar close to the central station and we had a great time.

On the 30th Giampy and Simo were out touristing again and I had Henry pick me up to get all my stuff over to Aarvoll farm where the party was going to be held. This is definately the biggest party Ive been to for New Years and arranging it myself had my stresslevel quite high.
One after one they arrived the location and we started cooking and preparing food and decorating. I arrived at 3pm and left at 11pm. We made dinner and had fun together.

Monday 31 I continued preparing food and stressing all morning with preparations. Luckily I had a lot of fantastic helpers for decorating, preparing and making food !!!!!
I was picked up and taken to party location by Finn that also helped me do some last minute shopping. When Wendy came around 3 I had already worked since 9 and decided to get an hour sleep and get dressed. I left with Giampy and Simona at 5:30 in a cab to get all our stuff to the place. Cakes, jello, computer and I dont even remember it all any more :D Things kind of got in over my head. At Aarvoll the local newspaper had arrived to interview us. Quite amazing that CSers from 18 countries gather in Norway on a farm just for a party !

In the end - the New year party was a success with 83 participants. We had booze and drinks and food (included apetizers, main course and dessert and snacks) for all of them for 200 NOK. (35 Euro). That is quite amazing. The party went on and great music played all night.
At some point Vibeke and Camilla kinapped me and Luca and a bottle of champagne that we went upstairs to drink. I never had champagne right from the bottle before and it was quite fun. Flavio came looking for us after a while and joined in. Right before midnight we all went outside and watched the firework popping all around us and toasting in champagne for the new year. I had a great and long conversation with Olina outside after midnight.

Parts of my celebration was put a break on due to an evil toungue. My defenses were down and the words hit me as knives in my heart. Especially since this is a person I respected and looked up to for experience. I ended up completely heart broken because of jealousy and someone not being able to communicate what they really wanted or needed, attacking others instead.
I also realized after this moment that I am surrounded by people that care about me and love me and that will protect me and help me. But what was said cant be undone and it hurted and it put me out of state for days. It was a hard start to the new year. Especially after so much stress and being sick and preparing and making sure the party would be a great thing for everyone there.
I finished up at 10am on the first with good help from many many people that during the night helped cleaning and washing and making sure all guests were enjoying themselves.
In the end we were just 6 people left cleaning and we were all so tired.

One great thing happened this morning - i got a phone call from my good friend in Costa Rica, Victor. It was a great surprise that I really really appreciated. I cant tell how much I appreciated being remembered by him just at that moment :D

After sleeping some hours I woke up and was called to meet up for dinner downtown and although downtown in that moment was far away I was too tired to make any food anyways and decided to go. I think I should have stayed at home. I was so tired I hardly managed to sit and almost fell asleep several times. I left early. Thank you John for accompanying me that day !

On the 2nd I was supposed to go back to work. I had no possibilities. Due to the stress, the evil tounge and being set back from being so tired I got the diarrhea and throwups back. Not to stop with that I struggled with anxiety on top of it. I stayed in bed till friday 4th when I met Flavio for coffee and then on saturday we met again with Bente, Wendy and two friends of Flavio for dinner at another mongolian restaurant. It was like a good bye dinner for F. Wendy and I met up with Oyvind and Federica after this and then I went home. Thanks Wendy :)

Mainly a lot more happened but it has nothing to do in a blog :D It will be written in the sand instead where the wind of forgiving can erase it...

But. Im ready for new winds to blow in my hair. Im ready for new memories to be made and Im ready for what life has in mind for me. It doesnt matter if someone wants to keep me down instead of supporting me. What matters are all the ones that does support me and what I do. The ones that matters are the ones that love me for me and wants to see me succeed.
The first few days of this year didnt turn out like I hoped, but... it doesnt matter.
Life is full of surprises and I have so much to be thankful for, to be happy for and to look foreward for.
Im glad for every day the sun shines in my life and Im happy for every day I am healthy.

I wish you all a fantastic Year in 2008. I wish you luck, happiness and love.
Take care !

My favourite book in this world ... is "The Alchemist" by Paolo Coelho. I know of no other book that gives so much hope and encourages me this much to be able to live my own dreams and follow my path.

I mean... The first time I read this book it wasnt all that. I didnt even get the story well. I skimmed through it like it was one of the other mainstream books I read. But, since that first time I have read the book at least 15 more times and every time I feel more connected to it and i read it every time I have important doubts about my path or decicions to make. Each time I start dreaming about the same things I always do and I am starting to realize that maybe I should not just dream :D
Like all other persons on this earth.. I get unfocused and I change paths and dreams regularly being influenced by the people around me that I meet. There is only one dream that sticks and sticks and that Im not willing to give up :D

It will include a huge sacrifice for me and Im afraid. Of course Im afraid BUT still considering it. Still dreaming.

Still need to find out if this is the right path for me.

Why does finances need to be so important to be able to fulfill some dreams... ?

The last 2 days I have worked from home. It has been a relief to not need to travel for 1 hour to get to work and another hour to get back home. On Thursday I went to Karis place for full back massage and reflexology massage. It was awesome to finally get some relief to sore muscles. Too much stress lately. I stopped by Jorunn and Tors house and had a great time with a great conversation and company for the night. As I was leaving Margaret was shipped off to bed and she wanted loads of good night hugs and she even declared me to be mom #2 in her life. She is a great kid and its a real huge honour that a child considers you that important in her life. As I left their house I spotted a fire in a car just on the parking lot to the nearby gas station. Intrigued by this I had a bus to catch and could not stop but fire fighters and police cars were all over to distinguish the fire before it would get more serious and spread to the pumps at the gas station. Luckily the car was parked some meters away from the pumps and the fire fighters managed to put the fire to an end before it got serious.

Friday afternoon I was invited to Ornella for dinner. It was so nice to see her again and we spent a long time chatting at the dinner table and showing each other pictures and udate on what has happened since last time we had a girls night. After we watched a movie. Open your eyes is the English title to the Spanish movie with Penelope Cruz and Eduardo Noriega. A remake has been made in english named Vanilla Sky with Tom Cruise. I would go for the spanish one. Always better in the original language. It is great to spend time with good friends. And its so amazing with some of your friends you can pass weeks and months and sometimes even years before you speak or meet again but you KNOW deep in your heart that no matter what happens – your friendship will never feel awkward, nor will you loose or change your friendship no matter how much time passes and when you finally meet again its like you never were separated in the first place.

Saturday
This morning I woke up late and it felt so wonderful to sleep in. Finally a morning where there was no sound of rain present, where birds were singing and the light represented sun and optimism. I got out of bed and I started preparing breakfast and packing for my departure to visit my dad this weekend. My little sister Ellen will be baptized tomorrow and it is a big family event. It will be great to see them all again.

Later, on the bus, I read and finished, with all the insight and empathy Khaled Hosseinis novel A thousand splendid suns. I was so in my own world I didnt care about the people on the bus, that I was travelling or anything around me (except from those damn tunnels that came too many, too often, and took away the light in the cabin so that I could not continue to read as long as we were in the tunnel). As the story developed – I laughed and I cried, with no worries about the world around me. This is, along with The Kite Runner (same author) one of the strongest novels I have read in ages. It touches you deep inside - if you let it, of course – and it is one of the books you will remember forever.

Author Isabel Allende has said about The Kite Runner:
A wonderful work.... This is one of those unforgettable stories that stay with you for years. All the great themes of literature and of life are the fabric of this extraordinary novel: love, honor, guilt, fear redemption.... It is so powerful that for a long time everything I read after seemed bland.

I finished up in good time before arriving destination and my father waited for me and helped me with my luggage. It was great to see them again too. We had some late lunch when I got there with Moose meat. About 3 hours after I arrived my Sister Ingrid and Christian arrived as well and the evening was spent catching up and having a great time. Ellen had grown heaps since we last saw her and Linda was dieing to get some attention from the big sisters. Although she was feverish and not as active as she normally is.

Sunday
We all go up and ready for church and dressed in our nicest clothes. Both Ingrid and I and our aunt Signe were all chosen to be Godparents for Ellen. Linda had her task too and after the baptism was over she lit the candle and dried Ellens hair. 4 girls were baptised today and the one sitting in front uf us was a real charmer. She was some months older than the others and had started toothing. She had 4 teeth where 2 were placed in the upper mouth and two down. The 2 up were placed like fangs and every time she laughed she looked so funny :D
The mass was long and not too exiting but I cant say I find my God inside a church. To me He is outside in the nature, when the wind blows or the sun hits the morning dew on a plant. Oh, I could keep going but no point. :D

After the mass we went back home with all the guests for the baptism and had great food in good company. My dads uncle Erling and aunt Ingeborg (grandmas sister) were present and its clear age is creepin upon them. My dads friends Aasmund and Britt, Jon-Kristian and Tove were also present and us sisters and Signe of course. A nice party of 13 we were. included children and grown ups. Little Ellen didnt like the bunch of us digging into the food without her getting any and she started crying. The little one doesn cry much though. A quiet little lady.

Around 4 the guests started splitting up and we stayed a bit behind to help clean up a bit and talk before we headed back to Oslo. Christian and Ingrid let me off at my place at 8:30pm so we werent so late at home.
Kitty was real happy I was back. After that I solved a bunch of CUQs on Couchsurfing before going to bed.